| - things that are important and worth remembering. in truth, can you really put them here? i mean, here's the deal. out the of people who read this, maybe a couple of them i really like, know well. and then there's like, those people that i say hi to and yeah they're "friends" but not very good ones. then ...friends of friends that i hardly even make eye contact with. yeah, so what can you really pour your heart out about that you want all these random people reading? the thing is-to me, people that i will never meet reading it and no one reading it is the same thing.
thus, all those blogs like at she-4.com? they make sense. okay, she-4's girl got found and blackmailed...x__x, but still. she writes what she wants because no one she knows reads what she writes. it's like, there's a lot of things that you think about that you wouldn't want people you care about/want to have a good impression of you knowing that you think about. okay, the english language clearly isn't working for me today.
next next next, yeah, i get pretty confused about what i'm supposed to be writing in my xanga in the end. it's not writing for "yourself," it's writing for this audience. and that's actually really hard to handle, for me. because there's things that i want to write but oh-no, it would offend so and so and might give another so and so the wrong idea. i mean, if you write some sort of inside joke, random people would comment stuff like "right..." or something like that.
and okay, that's why my mind's been on livejournal. it's supposed to be better. the whole system of the way it's set up is supposed to be better. and in a way, it's like starting over. who could find me except the people i tell/the people that i don't know at all who live in idaho and found me through my interest in britney spears? but still, it's hard to leave this behind. the more people are like ahh! livejournalrocks! the more i want to...almost stay..loyal to xanga. if that makes any sense at all. i mean, i see that little "you've been on xanga since" and it's almost been a year now. all these entries written over a course of a year, they're still here, even if they are utterly pointless. at least i can laugh at how much more of an idiot i was back then and remember things that i wrote down that i forgot all about now.
but, you know, things like guli's dad and aim conversations, they're not pointless. they're so valuable in their own way, like, i mean, what little kids we are. when we're old and fat and serious, we can look back fondly on how carefree and naive we were. how nice is that?
anyways, this is an answer to ashwin's entry. .
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